“The Petition of the Letter Z”
AD: American Philosophical Society
[after February 12, 1779?]
From the Tatler. N 1778.

To the worshipful Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq; Censor-General

The Petition of the Letter Z, commonly called Ezzard, Zed, or Izard,

Most humbly sheweth,  That your Petitioner is of as high Extraction, and has as good an Estate as any other Letter of the Alphabet.

He was always talking of his Family and of his being a Man of Fortune.

 That there is therefore no reason why he should be treated as he is with Disrespect and Indignity.

And Complaining of his being treated, not with due Respect

 That he is not only plac’d at the Tail of the Alphabet, when he had as much Right as any other to be at the Head; but is, by the Injustice of his Enemies totally excluded from the Word WISE, and his Place injuriously filled by a little, hissing, crooked, serpentine, venomous Letter called S, when it must be evident to your Worship, and to all the World, that Double U, I, S, E do not spell or sound Wize, but Wice.

At the tail of the Commission, of Ministers He was not of the Commission for France, A Lee being preferr’d to him, which made him very angry; and the Character here given of S, is just what he in his Passion gave Lee.

 Your Petitioner therefore prays that the Alphabet may by your Censorial Authority be reformed, and that in Consideration of his Long-Suffering & patience he may be placed at the Head of it; that S may be turned out of the Word Wise, and the Petitioner employ’d instead of him;

The most impatient Man alive

And your Petitioner (as in Duty bound) shall ever pray, &c.

Z

Mr. Bickerstaff having examined the Allegations of the above Petition, judges and determines, that Z be admonished to be content with his Station, forbear Reflections upon his Brother Letters, & remember his own small Usefulness, and the little Occasion there is for him in the Republick of Letters, since S, whom he so despises, can so well serve instead of him.